Tips on Dating for Men

Useful Mindsets for Disarming Male Competition

10:41, 2008-Jun-23 .. 0 comments .. Link

Have you ever avoided talking to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?

Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.

There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.

They assume that the girl is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.

This isn't a real reason to not talk to a woman, especially in a bar - it's a social setting where people meet other people. Plus - she's not his "slave" - she's a human being, not a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses.

Approaching oftenly a woman who is "with" a guy can make you look more confident, and draw out the jealous side of the guy, making him look insecure and weak.

The other reason guys don't approach women with other men points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.

Men tend to be threatened by other men, instantly assuming that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful.

This exist in an ancient survival strategy that has been passed through human minds.

The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious, and it's hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is in any given interaction. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is.

He doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.

So it's better to play safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Guys that were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but it will take a single loss to end up dead or exiled from the game.

And then their genes were taken out of the "race" so to speak.

So the guys who played it safe, and avoided confrontation usually lived long enough to reproduce and survive.

The irony of this is that nowadays this hard-wired survival strategy is the basis for most approach anxiety - guys avoid women unnecessarily because they are making false assumptions.

Here is the thing, mostly when you see a girl talking to another guy in the club or bar, she's not WITH him.

They JUST MET!

For many instances I've approached a girl with a guy thinking it was her boyfriend, then only to find out that he was just a random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.

I have regrets to those times that I've missed so many opportunities talking to a woman just because I saw her with another guy. And this brings me to my first point:

DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO THE WOMAN.

You'll never know until you find out. Just remember to be alert and respectful, because in the off chance they are together, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and start a physical confrontation.

So use your head - just don't limit your options by making false assumptions.

The other important thing I want to talk about is the idea that another man can be more "dominant" than you.

The concept of the alpha male is completely outdated. In the caveman days, the alpha male had real power - he had access to resources like food, and was physically stronger, so he could beat up competitors.

But ask yourself if those power still exist today. Every man can survive on his own if he has the source of income - you probably have an access to food and shelter if you're reading this. You're all set.

Plus, its illegal to use the physical strength just to beat people up. It is pretty much irrelevant to use in the modern world.

You'll always end up losing if you attack another person because the police always win.

You are LETTING RANDOM GUYS STOP YOU FOR NO REASON! if you are thinking about it.

Pardon my French, but who is HE to say who YOU talk to???

I recall all the girls I missed out on because I was afraid about some DUDE. And it makes me mad remembering that and knowing that the other guys are dealing with some crap!

When you're on your deathbed, you are going to look back on all the things you did and didn't do. How painful would it be to say "I didn't meet that girl because I was scared of another guy," or "there were so many beautiful women I could've enjoyed, but I didn't even try because I saw them TALKING to another guy."

I don't want you to be like that.

So let's understand it deeply. Seeing the other guy as more dominant means you don't really understand dominance.

You see, you instantly consider yourself NOT dominant when you're concerned with who is more dominant. There's a better focus.

You must first THINK like a dominant man in order to become dominant. And dominant men doesn't care who is more dominant. So what do dominant men think about? Whatever it is that they are doing or want.

So you see another guy talking to a group of girls. Instead of worrying about whether or not he's more dominant than you, focus on the girls.

I seldom even acknowledge other guys, because it's proven to be just a waste of time. 9 out of 10 women don't even know the guy - they just meet him.

Or if they do, maybe ONE of the girls know him, and barely the rest know him.

It's rare for girls to go out with a guy they are dating - usually they will bring a guy who is more of a protector/friend because a guy like that is more valuable when they go out on the town.

And aside from that, if he IS with one of the girls, then it will be a fair game because it means that he's NOT with the other girls.

When you are concerned with who's the alpha male, you are by definition NOT the alpha male. In fact, it's questionable whether alpha males truly exist in the modern world.

Don't assume anything, get your focus in a USEFUL place, and don't let some random dude prevent you from enjoying YOUR LIFE!
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